Single Still:  The Plight of the Over-Achieving Black Women

By Colleen Winn

So many of my cohort and sister friends are powerhouses in the board room; in their classrooms; in their designated work spaces; they hold audiences captivated as they craft thought-provoking and intellectual stimulating seminars and talks; they are corporate CEO’s; community builders; they lead movements; the brains behind the brawns; go-getters; the shark in the shark tank; they are degree laden; architects of higher thought; six figure makers; attractive; SINGLE…………

I am black, educated, confident, articulate, self-sufficient and I think this makes me sexy as hell but for now ….. I Am Single Still.

I am not espousing that singleness is a curse, a space that should only be held by the depraved and by the losers of our society who have nothing of substance to offer another human being. Nor am I judging or adding value to those who are seated at the perverbial table of equally yoked. The bible even speaks to “singleness” as a gift and a calling BUT a gift and calling of choice. The concept of CHOICE is critical and empowering!

I read recently in an article “today there’s a very significant number of professional Black women who have positioned themselves for success with BA’s, MD’s, as well as PhD’s but 70% of them are still without the more elusive title: ‘MRS” (  When we consider the dwindling pool of eligible men,, based on a number of theorized or real factors, there is a certain bleakness that starts to suffocate even my “I am going to be alright” attitude. I intentionally did not use the descriptive “Black” because this is not just a lack of “Black men” issue. We ask ourselves over and over, what is wrong with Black men, White men, just men in general today.

Then we hold up the mirror and reflect that it must be us, you, me… has to be!

Maybe we are just too…

tooToo ________, too __________!

Maybe we are.  Ouch!!

Should we reembrace the anthem, “I can bring home the bacon, and fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man … cause I’m a WOMAN” into our daily lives?

Maybe what makes us bad asses in the boardroom, makes us intimidating in the bedroom. Maybe we have forgotten how to translate and transfer those ambitious skills from one setting to the next. Maybe we have forgotten and despise what and how our mothers lived, loved, and prioritized more traditional lifestyles. Maybe we are…Maybe we have…Maybe we…Maybe…  Your Thoughts?